Family drama

I’m sick of these constant arguments. It’s not only each other that you’re upsetting, you’re upsetting and annoying everyone else in the house. Just calm the fuck down when you talk to each other, you always just yell and scream and I’m sick of it. Yes, he’s kind of a toss bag and at times I hate him, but he’s still my brother mum. You’re not always right and I wish you could just see that. I hate this, I wish I could just fucking get away from here sometimes.

From Lauren, With Love.

can't believe it isn't butter.

Wow, it's the eve of christmas eve already! This is insane. The year just went so damn fast, then before i know it it'll be another year away from now and I'll be saying the exact same thing. Time flies when you're so damn busy and tired to think about it! Merry Christmas to the world :)

Goodbye!

So today was the goodbye dinner for Travis, a guy that i work with. He's moving to Melbourne in a few weeks and is finishing up at work on the 24th of december. I'm going to miss him actually, he was pretty awesome! The boss came along to the dinner and I think he might think me and my friend Keah are a little strange now because we didn't stop talking. I think we talked about accidentally lighting ourselves on fire on new years and he was like o.O what? Highly amusing. I'm looking forward to new years now. Keah and I have big plans. We're gunna watch Baseketball, get smashed, run around with sparklers and possibly jump in my pool. Should be fun! Baseketball drinking game is a go as well. joy!

Glad I could help.

I'm glad that you finally came to me with your feelings. No one should have that sort of stuff bottled up inside. I'm glad that you talked to dad about it too. I love you, mum.

Busy Bee

I've been far to busy to write in this thing every day at the moment. It is Christmas time afterall and it appears that I spend less and less time on the computer everyday. I figure it's healthier this way. Still need to finish my mothers Christmas present, maybe tomorrow... I have a few days yet.

I don't know what i'm doing anymore.

Why does everything have to be so hard? Not to mention exhausting ...

Contemplating,

So I've been doing a lot of contemplating and thinking about my future recently. I'm just about to go into my last year of high school and before i know it I'll be at Uni, broke and alone. I've been talking to my mum about ways to save money and it's almost starting to freak me out. I don't know if I'll have the time to get a job while I'm at Uni so I've got to start saving now. We figured out I could probably save about $7,000, and my parents will pay for my residential fees so that means I've got about $7,000 to feed myself, clothe myself and buy my appropriate text books and such for a year. I don't know what I'll do after that year but I'm hoping on a scholarship to be honest. I'm sure some of that money has to go towards all of my fees and other random stuff along the way. It's strange how fast I'm growing up. I'm freaking out really. I don't know how this is going to work but I guess I have to just get through this coming year first, then I'll worry about the year after. Hopefully I win the lottery on my 18th birthday, that would be epic.

Tuesday

So, I don't even have a reason as to why I missed yesterday. I guess I just forgot really ... I ended up downloading Gossip Girl, watching that, watching some Las Vegas and going to bed really. Today I did a similar thing; woke up, ate, watched Las Vegas, hung out with a friend I hadn't seen in a while and I just finished my homework for the day. It's 10pm and I almost forgot to even post here today, I guess i'm frequenting the computer less and less each day. I guess it's a good thing. It beats spending my entire holidays on here. Tomorrow i'm going to the doctors agin, which will be fun. Hopefully he doesn't stick something up my nose again and suck all the snot out, that was quite weird last time. I think i'll get to finally do some Christmas shopping. Who knew K-Mart was open 24 hours now!? God, that's awesome. i hope it's not just for Christmas...

The results are in

So I finally got my results back for my VCE subject and I got an A+, an A and a B+ so I'm fairly happy with that. I wish that B+ was an A but that's okay. I got a study score of 37 I believe, which will be scaled down to about a 36 most likely. It's decent, but average. I wish i could have gotten in the 40's but I think I needed all A+'s for that. Maybe in my subjects next year! Solid start to VCE though.

Finally over it.

I'm finally over feeling anything for you. I don't hate you, you don't annoy me, I don't not want to talk to you, I don't care anymore. When you talk to me I talk to you like you're anyone else, not a person I used to love and not the boy whose heart I may have broken mere weeks or months ago. I don't even remember it happening; and I don't care. I occasionally think about you but its becoming less and less frequent. I realised that I don't miss you but what I miss is the things that I did with you and your friends; hang out, have fun, get drunk and roam the streets. I don't mind if you're not there when I do that, I just want to. I wish that I was eighteen, or that my parents cared what I did a little less. But this message is to you Daryl, wherever you are right now; I don't love you, and I don't care anymore. There's no hope for us ever again and I couldn't be happier.

Saturday;

So I missed out on writing this blog yesterday, but I'm not going to count it as a missed day because I was really busy, and then my computer didn't work. I had work from about 9-3.30 then I had to help my mum bake cupcakes and such for a Christmas party that I then attended from 6-10.30. Old people all together drunk is both amusing and slightly disturbing. Especially once you mix a pool into it as well. Some of those people should not be wearing 'one pieces' cover up please! I wish I could have gotten drunk, but then there would be no way I could do my massive amount of homework for the day. Although it is well past lunch already ... I guess I should start though, farewell.

Pointless, but sure ...why not.

I feel kind of terrible abou the fact that I don't want to go to my parents vow commitment ceremony thing. For one thing, they're already married and have been for the last 17 years. Why can't they wait till it's 20 years or something? it just seems really random and pointless at this time but, whatever. Mum planned it on a day that she specifically knew that I was working too. The date has absolutely no significance to their marriage (that I know of) and she's telling me I HAVE to get the day off work to attend knowing full well that my boss is an ass that doesn't give me time off well. The fact that she told me today of all days when it's in January is ridiculous, I need more time before to let him know. I don't know, I guess call me ...unromantic, but I see no point in two married people to 'recommit' to each other after a random number of years and after they were never really uncommited. I don't really want to go. I have to though and I guess that's why I'm annoyed. I HAVE to do this, and I don't like being told what I have to do. I'm far too busy right now and don't have time for it, but I guess I'll have to try.

I secretly dig it.

Okay so maybe it's actually not all that secretive but minus the fact that my boss can sometimes be an absolute arse; I love my job. Yes, there are times when i just cannot be bothered doing any of it and would rather be anywhere else in the world but it's probably one of the better jobs I could do as a seventeen year old with no qualifications. I mean, I could be working at McDonalds which would be shit, but working in a CD/DVD store and being able to help people with things and KNOW things about music is good. Also being surrounded by it everyday and learning more every day is kind of awesome. I wish I owned a music store, I think it would be sweet.

Day zero.

So today I decided was going to be day zero of my 'Hard Times with Lauren' blog that I started. It's supposed to help me to understand Charles Dickens' book Hard Times a little more and will allow me to analyse or interpret it as I go along. It should also keep me on track with where I need to be in terms of my background knowledge and actual reading of the book for when school commences next year. I hope to do great in VCE next year and if I have to do a daily blog of Charles Dickens' book to do that I will. I'm determined. I want to win this. So wish me luck!

Dear Vanessa,

I know we haven't spoken in quite a few years now but I briefly thought about you last night and how much i miss you. I can't believe you just moved without contacting me. I guess we drifted apart after I went to secondary school and you didn't, then even after you got there as well we just had different lives. I hope we get to meet again some day, and i hope you had a wonderful birthday (I remembered last night at 2am that it was the same day as mine). I shall find you on facebook one day (when you decide to make a page) and we shall be friends once again. Either that or I shall hunt your butt down in Queensland. I miss all the fun we used to have.

From Lauren, with love.

Strange, but true.

I'm thoroughly enjoying this blogging every day thing. I quite like it actually. It's sometimes hard to think of anything even legitimately interesting to say (lets face it, most of what I say probably isn't interesting at all!) but otherwise it's good for me. I bottle up my feelings far too much and it's good to have a place where I can just let it all out without worrying that my brothers may find it hidden underneath my bed. I mean, if they wanted to find this they could but I don't really care. I'm not writing I heart Jensen Ackles all over it, although I should. I'm shattered he's getting married ... I have far too many celebrity crushes though.

I like to think that I'm learning and growing every day even though sometimes it doesn't seem that way. Looking back at this, even though I've been doing it for less than a month I know that it's true; we do learn things every day. It could range from learning to put up with something inevitable or learning a little bit more about yourself. I'm happy to say that I'm growing up and learning every day. Sometimes I look to the future and wish that I could get out of school and just start actually living life but then I realise that I've actually been living it for the past 17 years. I've only got one more year of adult supervision and after that I'm on my own. I'm thankful for all that I've learned in these past 17 years because the lessons I've learned made me who I am and will continue to keep me safe in the future. I hope I never forget that.

Socially challenged.

So my parents are going to buy me a ticket to paramore's concert in February for Christmas BUT they're buying themselves tickets as well. I've been to concerts with my dad and that's been fine but my mum tagging along too? It kind of scream sad to me. I'm seventeen years old, I don't need nor want both parents coming with me. My mum doesn't even like Paramore! What the? But I guess I'll live. I get to see paramore anyway. I don't care if other people look at me weirdly. So if you're at Paramore's Melbourne concert on the 23rd of Feb next year and you see some poor, unfortunate girl with both of her parents; that's me.

Alas, humanity!

So I finally talked to my boss today like he was a real person. We chatted about drums and my future. I said I was going to Uni but wasn't sure if I was going to have a gap year or not and he said that I'm welcome to work there whenever. I guess that stands so long as I don't get fired in the next year! So that's good. I enjoy money and job security.

Flushed away

So I went and saw an ENT surgeon today and he sucked all the snot out of my nose and the puss out of my sinuses. It was really rather weird and gross actually ... not the most comfortable experience ever but it was okay. The part I'm now freaking out about it the fact that he said down the track I may need surgery; something about drilling holes in my cheeks! Sounds fricken crazy. I think I'd almost rather be sick all the time. Needles freak me out, i don't want to deal with drills! So yeah, I have been given this medication stuff and i'm supposed to flush out my nose every few days till I go see him in two weeks time to discuss further things that may be needed. I think the reason I'm not already in line for surgery is because I have severe allergies and that may be what us causing my nose to react and produce massive amounts of snot. I hope so. But maybe that means more desensitisation needles. Either way this is not going to turn out well.

I feel as though I'm ranting about this every day.

I'm sick of people judging me because of what I like or how I act sometimes. Yes, I do enjoy Disney. In fact I love Disney! If it's Disney I'm likely to eat that shiz up and I'm not ashamed of it. I got weird looks and comments from my co-workers today when I put on a Disney (Hannah Montana, Camp Rock & High School Musical style) compilation CD but I didn't care. I know who I am and I like what I like. I do not go around saying what you like is shit and calling you dumb because you like it; I like to think I'm unjudging and accepting of the fact that not everyone is going to like what I like. I know Twilight isn't all that great; to be honest the books are poorly written and the acting in the movies is not exactly the best in the world but who cares? I don't get why people waste effort bothering to bag it out so consistently. You can have your opinion all you want but when you start calling people 'stupid' and insulting their intelligence and sexuality then you're going too far. I think I've ranted about this numerous times but I see it every day; people can't accept other people’s opinions and it honestly is starting to give me the shits.

I get it; you hate twilight, the Jonas brothers, Miley Cyrus and pretty much everything that I somehow still seem to like. It doesn't make you better or more intelligent than me. It merely makes you different to me. These people are constantly saying that everyone is the same and they should strive for individuality because Twilight is so 'lame' and 'uncool'. Aren't you being hypocritical in asking everyone to be exactly like you? Nobody in the world is going to agree with EVERYTHING that you like. I think that people should just grow up and realise that no matter how much you bag out something it isn't going to stop someone from liking it. I didn't like Twilight all that much but since people seem to hate it so passionately (some without giving it a shot! Fair enough if you gave it a shot and didn't like it, I respect your opinion and your right to express that opinion but if you don't even give it a go you have no right to remark on other people who do like it) I now like to stick up for it as much as possible.

People should not have to feel embarrassed or ashamed for liking something; especially not on the internet. I'm sure there's something that you like that your friends would think is 'nerdy' or 'lame' such as RPing? Yet you still do it, why? It’s because you love it for some reason. Other people may not understand it but it doesn't matter to you because it's what you like. Nobody liked to be ridiculed for what they like. I can't say that I like being stereotyped as a blonde 11 year old pop addict that dresses like a slut; because apparently that's what I should be because I love Miley Cyrus and various other pop music artists. Guess what? That's not me at all. I mostly listen to alternative, rock and ska music. People are complex and there are many layers to them. You can't go classifying someone as 'stupid' because they like something. Have your opinion if you want, express it all you like but DO NOT insult people or ridicule them in the process. This is where I start to REALLY get annoyed.

Cheap cleaning.

So my boss is now getting me to go into work occasionally at 8am to clean for an hour before we open. I think it's only because he has to pay me the least out of everyone on pay roll. It also menas he doesn't have to pay anyone overtime because I work the least as well. I don't want to work at 8am! That means I have to get up before 8 and I don't think I've done that for quite a few months now. I can't function that early in the day. But it does mean that I get a key to the store. Yes, he trusts me. I don't know how it's going to work though but i'm sure i'll figure it out. God, I hate cleaning.

Bi-polar tendencies.

I swear my ex must be Bi-Polar. One minute he's angry because I tell him he needs to grow the hell up, then the next he's apologising and saying we should still be friends. Basically, I sent him a facebook message (would have done it face to face but I just snapped and had to send it via facebook) saying that he should grow up and take responsibility for his own life and the way it's turned out then he got upset, deleted me off of facebook, gave me back a ring I agve to him and told a mutal friend of ours that I was "out of his life for good". I didn't really care to be honest, it was a relief that he finally seemed to hate me for dumping him but then today he re-adds me on facebook again and says that he was just overly emotional and not thinking straight. He then proceeds to tell me that I should keep the ring I gave him to remind myself of him. I dumped him! I don't exactly want to remind myself of him or remember him. He now wants to be friends again. He's more of a fricken girl than I am! That was part of the problem. Ergh, I just don't even know what to do anymore. It would be much simpler if he hated me; then we could just avoid each other and move on with our lives. I wish he'd delete my friends of facebook though. He's not even friends with them. It's really starting to annoy me. I'm haivng dreams about it and everything. Gah. Boys. They're so stupid. I refuse to have a boyfriend for at least a few years. They're too much hassle sometimes.